Are partners at management consulting companies happy

Decide on what makes you happy - an interview with Achim Bauer

At some point in life it affects everyone - even the seasoned management consultant. The partner relationship breaks up. From now on they go their separate ways. Especially painful if feelings persist and you actually feel drawn to your partner. How best to deal with lovesickness? Does it make sense to recapture the love of life? And anyway: what to do if you inevitably see each other at work every day? I spoke to Achim Bauer, an expert on partner relationships in the world of work, about these and other questions.

Hello Achim: Let's first lay the foundations: How many partner relationships does a German go through on average in the course of his adult life?

I can't answer that directly. Too many factors play a role. It depends on what you mean by a relationship and how you define it. And everyone has to work that out for themselves. The span can therefore be very large. There are people who find happiness for life very early on and therefore only have one or two relationships. Others have a lot of relationships and are never really happy. Still others don't want anything solid and are looking for friendship plus or something similar. It is therefore not possible to give an exact number.

Business consulting means a lot of travel, even more work, little time. How is this professional style compatible with a permanent partnership?

I think very well. Of course it is not always easy, but if you really want to have a relationship with someone, whether you are the traveling part or the other, there are always ways and means to keep such a relationship alive. This constellation can also offer many opportunities, since you are not constantly attached to each other.

In my opinion, it is important that each partner works on their goals. If we are just attached to our partner, we become attached quickly. And that's a relationship killer. It is important that we take time for the relationship despite all the stress. But it always works. You just have to set your priorities correctly and use the little time to show how much you care about the other. For example, you bring a small gift with you as a sign that you have thought of the other person.

If we just cling to our partner, we become clingy quickly. And that's a relationship killer.

Let's get specific. As a consultant, I'm on the move somewhere in Europe every week from Monday morning to Thursday night. Actually, my relationship life only takes place on weekends. What can I do today so that the connection doesn't end in a few weeks?

In order for the relationship to work well from the start, both partners have to be 'cool' with it. Both accept that the relationship can practically only take place on weekends.

As I already mentioned: It is important to use the little time you spend together. You have to show how important your partner and the relationship are to you. If you are on the road from Monday to Thursday, then you have a lot of time from Friday to Sunday to actively pursue the relationship. During this time you can do things together and cultivate your partnership.

On your website Your colleague Karl and you dedicate themselves to the task of winning back the former partner. How often is this reconquest step taken? And how successful is it really in the end?

I think it's an automatic reflex that if you've been abandoned against your will, you want your partner back. A breakup makes a huge change in our lives. After a while we either accept this change or we don't. It is a difficult step that is not easy for anyone. This is why I think a lot of people are trying to get their ex back.

Whether you are successful in doing this depends on many factors. About the relationship, the ex-partner and his approach. Analyze what led to the breakup. Work through the problems and find solutions. Only if this is seriously successful does a new relationship with the ex have a realistic chance.

If you are on the road from Monday to Thursday,
then you have a lot of time from Friday to Sunday to actively pursue the relationship.

I too was shipwrecked when it came to partnership. In 2006 my girlfriend at the time separated from me. The pain of loss had an impact on my internship and my colleagues. My boss urged rationality. Which tip should I have taken to heart over 16 years ago?

I think each of us has had this experience before. Everyone has to go through it. What really helps is that you focus even more on your life and your goals. You have to make yourself independent. And you can only achieve this by developing yourself into the person you would like to be every day.

What I can also highly recommend is exercise. If you have negative emotions, the best way to deal with them is through exercise. It can also be very helpful if you talk to someone about your feelings, get rid of the stress and grief. This could be the parents, for example, but also a good friend.

Mind game: it crackles at work. The attractive customer employee has been supporting the consulting project since last week. Which rules should I observe as an external consultant?

The whole thing is of course a difficult situation for many at first. But in principle there is only one rule that must be observed: professional remains professional and private remains private. By that I mean that you should separate work and private life. Of course, you can invite her on a date. But this private relationship between you must not affect your everyday professional life and your cooperation. And that applies not only during the relationship, but especially afterwards. If you think you can do it, I don't think there's anything against it.

I believe that you should choose what makes you happy.
Think of yourself first.

Last question: Transfer, relocation and career or professional standstill but on site with my partner - what should I choose and why?

I believe that you should choose what makes you happy. Think of yourself first. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? This is a gut decision that everyone must make for themselves. But you can and should also include your life partner in your considerations. You are in a relationship after all. Most of the time the choice is not black and white. There are not only the answers career or relationship, but also, for example, the long-distance relationship, which combines both. It is a challenge, but if you really want it, you can do it.

Ultimately, however, it is a decision that you, above all, have to be able to live with. That's why in the end it's always your decision.

You managed. Thank you very much for your time and the shared knowledge. Have a good week, Christopher Schulz

The interview was conducted by Achim Bauer and Christopher Schulz by email on July 16, 2020.

About Achim Bauer

Hello, I'm Achim Bauer and I try to give people my tips after a breakup. I know too well what it is like to be abandoned. If you would like to find out more, please visit my website.

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