Why is school hated
#taratalks: Why I hated school
School, the best time of my life, I'll miss it, you'll never be so free again, blablabla.
Who doesn't know these sentences? How many times have I heard this from my mother or other adults?
And how much can you be wrong?
I learned to hate school early on ...
As a child I was very motivated. I always wanted to bring hard work cards home. Do any of you still know “Umi”? It was such a teddy bear and he issued hard work cards (of course, personally!).
And I was always there, I was always the annoying one who had my finger up before the question was actually finished.
When I was in comprehensive school from the fifth grade onwards, I was immediately underchallenged. I had a recommendation for high school, but none of my friends. So I went to comprehensive school because there were e-courses there. Extension courses, high school level. Not.
In the middle of the seventh grade I had to move away, 200km further to another village in North Rhine-Westphalia and then went to high school there. Of course, that's also an absolutely great idea to tear down the environment of a teenager shortly before their 14th birthday and change the type of school, but hey, not that important, right?
Well and from then on I realized that this is not for me. None of that.
Books are better friends
I read more and more and withdrew more and more. I've never found it interesting to be in a clique. To be honest, it has me - and I can't find a German word that describes it so well - “terrified”. I found it scary and terrifying to always be in the same group of people who always experience the same thing, but only because they are all in that group. And by that I mean these big cliques, the fifteenth of which meet and drink together at the Schützenfest and feel better than the rest because they ... yes, I don't know exactly what. Maybe because their parents had what they had, because they stayed in the village and just continued the family business. That's good, everyone should do what they want, but I never understood how to draw their strength of character from the fact that Dad has a Porsche because of Grandpa.
I did not want that. I wanted something different, I wanted more. And because I wasn't interested in all the talk, I quickly became weird, strange, rumors were invented. What you do when you are afraid of something or don't understand it: you demonize it. Looking back, I understand. Even then I didn't care, it never hit me. (Which of course was just one more reason and “proof” that something can be wrong with me when everything has left me cold).
I know that identity concreteness is an important thesis. I know that many famous psychologists assume that people form their identity from what they experience with other people and other groups that are connected.
So with the company, with the same circle of friends, the family, the sports club. All of this is a self-contained identity, a group dynamic, “together you are strong”, you experience things together and stick together.
But that's not always how it is. There is stress among each other, intrigues, lies, mimimi, chaos.
I was never made for it.
That is why the whole school concept was so difficult for me to endure and that is why I was at the FernUni. I couldn't sit in a room punctually at 8, where someone else would say “we've always done it this way” and sit there until 5:00 p.m. because “that's how you do it”.
I read my books and read what I wanted to learn. I know I was rebellious - I could have pulled myself together and just did what other people tell me for 7 hours a day. But as a teenager and with no social support in the first year anyway, I just tried to save myself. I shielded my island, my island self, I read, read into other worlds, learned things, carried on, doing something else.
And of course got one rebuke after the next.
For us it was like this:
3 reprimands = 1 reprimand
3 rebukes = 1 reprimand
3 references = reference to school
In the end I had two reprimands and a certificate because I was absolutely never there.
I went to school less and less - only when I had to be there.
I learned math even though I never, ever need to pull roots again in my whole life. I didn't learn more about literature than did 10 poetry analyzes in a row, although I would have liked to have received more support there.
But when I then showed a poem by myself to a teacher, I only got a "no, this is different from what we usually do here"
"But is it good?"
(Ok - two years later said poem was published in a book.)
And the classmates? Well, how teens are ...
There were surveys in the school newspaper. And I'll leave this one here.
Here you can clearly see that I was more on the cell phone than in the “real world” and that my future job has emerged, because - surprise - only one year later after graduating from high school I founded my blog and 4 years later I am then went to Berlin.
I got a message from a classmate and even from teachers every now and then because I was constantly mentioned in the local newspaper as a “successful blogger” (folks, 2012-2013 hardly existed and I never have followers or others Bought bullshit stuff, so somehow you could still speak of it).
"Oh wow Tara, I always thought that you would become something"
"It has been seen before that you will do your thing"
“BLABLABLA Part 3039893692”
I feel like I'm in a teen movie where the ugly duckling is developing
Do you know those teen films where the protagonist takes off her glasses and combs her hair and suddenly she is “a completely different person” and “is no longer recognized”? I feel that way too. For years I was bullied or bullied uninterruptedly, I received reprimands and reprimands, I was panned by the entire school newspaper, and that's why I can say: I'm glad to be out of this limbo.
The funny thing is, I still like the individual people today and I also had friends during my Abis, but I gradually isolated myself more and more because I could no longer bear this big picture, this group merging. I never felt what the others felt: oneness
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