Why does a midlife crisis affair never last
Midlife crisis: reasons, duration, test, handling
The Midlife Crisis - in German: the midlife crisis. It is often attributed to men who want to prove themselves again at an advanced age. But it not only affects men, but also women. We show symptoms, duration, triggers and the best way to deal with the midlife crisis. We also offer you a free test if you want to know whether you are in a midlife crisis.
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
➠ Content: This is what awaits you
Midlife crisis: men affected more often?
When is midlife even? Of course, no one can know this, as he would have to know the date of his death. Nevertheless, the midlife crisis, as the midlife crisis is called in German, usually occurs between the ages of 40 and 50. The prevailing image in society is that it mainly affects men.
But how does a midlife crisis express itself in men? What changes in men aged 40 and over so that they are suddenly shaken by a crisis?
First of all, this has to do with the individual background of each individual. The midlife crisis is not a disease that hits you suddenly and unexpectedly. Rather, it has to do with personal life issues such as:
- Is that all?
- What else do I want to experience?
- How should my life go on?
- What do I want to change?
- Where else do I want to prove myself?
These questions can lead to a crisis of meaning. Usually when you are dissatisfied with your job and / or your family situation. Many see this as the threshold between “staying young” and “growing old”. The social picture gives the impression that only young people can achieve and change something in their lives.
Therefore, men in particular feel affected by the midlife crisis. But that does not mean that women cannot be plagued by a midlife crisis. For them, the hormonal changes during menopause also play an important role in this context.
Dealing with a Man in the Midlife Crisis
But how do I deal with my husband in the midlife crisis? Especially when I have to fear that my husband is looking for an affair in order to feel young and desired again?
Anyone who asks themselves such questions as a woman should first seek a conversation. Talking always helps. Even if that is easier said than done - because many men withdraw from the midlife crisis. Nevertheless, as a woman, you should always signal that you are there as a contact person. The reverse is also true, by the way.
Encouragement is just as important. Anyone who is in a midlife crisis needs confirmation that their life is okay the way it is. So focus on the many positive elements. Incidentally, this also applies to sexual matters.
Also turn your gaze to a common future. Make plans for what you want to experience and achieve as a couple and treat yourself to wonderful hours as a couple. For example, during a break.
Midlife Crisis: Women's Test
A simple test helps many women to determine whether they or their partner are in a midlife crisis. But of course men can also take this test, not just women.
The more of the following questions you answer YES, the more likely you are affected by a midlife crisis.
- Do you suffer from mood swings and are dissatisfied with what you have achieved so far?
- Do you feel remorse for your previous life?
- Are you bothered by the fact that you are getting older?
- Are you questioning the meaning of your life?
- Do you feel the desire to do something completely new?
- Are you afraid that the highlights of your life are already over?
- Are health concerns increasingly the focus?
- Do you doubt your previous decisions?
- Are you trying to change your dress style and dress code to be more modern?
- Do you dream of breaking out of your life?
- Are you worried that you will not have enough time to realize your goals and dreams?
- Do you wish you were younger again?
Midlife Crisis: Separation is often the result
If a midlife crisis is not actively addressed together with the partner but ignored, the risk increases that the person concerned will seek consolation elsewhere. Those who feel misunderstood make themselves rare.
The common consequence of a midlife crisis: separation. Sometimes the man comes back, in other cases it goes to a final divorce. In the midlife crisis, women think of separation much less often.
Especially when previously unspoken problems in the family and partnership were predominant, a midlife crisis can sometimes act like a fire accelerator. Early couples therapy can potentially clear this up and prevent a breakup.
Midlife Crisis: Duration is different
How long a midlife crisis lasts varies from person to person. Likewise the time. She meets one of them at the age of 50 and then only for a few months, while others suffer from it for several years in their early or mid-40s.
The decisive factor is not the duration, but how to deal with the life crisis. The more actively and communicatively you approach the midlife crisis, the sooner it will be over.
Midlife crisis at 30?
It happens rarely, but some show the first signs of a midlife crisis as early as the age of 30. This is especially the case if they feel like they are stuck. Either privately or in your career.
But often other, more profound problems are responsible for this. A midlife crisis at 30 without an external or internal cause is rather unusual.
The symptoms of the midlife crisis
The midlife crisis can be recognized by different symptoms. These are mostly outside of the typical clichés that women dye their hair or men buy a motorcycle. Symptoms that can indicate a midlife crisis are much more personal feelings such as:
- Doubt about the future
- Urge to change
- Youth madness
- Fear of failure
Trigger of the midlife crisis
The trigger for a midlife crisis is the changed perception in the middle of life. Many become aware that they have lived a considerable part of life. You have achieved goals and made dreams come true.
But now? The future seems to consist only of routines. Many fear that their life is going downhill. It is seldom possible to attach this to an occasion - much more to a sum of reasons.
These can be both physical and psychological. Most of them are related to each other. If, for example, the potency decreases, the wrinkles become more obvious and the hair turns gray or falls out, this leaves very few cold.
In addition, there is the fact of being confronted with impermanence more often - for example when the parents are in need of care or die. All of this brings to light the self-doubts about one's own life and the question of how things should go on.
Ways out of the midlife crisis
But how do I get out of a midlife crisis? There is no silver bullet. But some tips and ways you can do in a midlife crisis:
- Speak openly
Many find it difficult to admit to a midlife crisis. But if you speak of your worries, fears and feelings from your soul, this shared suffering is not just literally half a suffering.
- Accept your limits
You will come out of the midlife crisis more quickly if you admit to yourself that everything is no longer possible. You are just not as fit and resilient as you were 20 years ago. But that doesn't have to mean that you now have to say goodbye to all goals.
- Take action
You can hardly counteract wrinkles or gray hair. But you can influence your physical fitness. Do exercise moderately and make sure you eat a balanced diet.
- Make plans for the future
Remember: you are in the middle of life. That means you have just as much time to go again. Think about what you want to do with it and write your own personal bucket list.
- Think outside the box
Find examples that show you that old age doesn't have to be a bad thing. Many people develop significantly greater satisfaction and serenity in the second half of their lives.
- Don't rush anything
In the midlife crisis, some decisions are made that you may later regret. So take your time with big and radical changes. Better get advice from good friends.
- Accept the phase
Realize that the midlife crisis is only a phase in life. It is part of the maturation process. As in any crisis, the same applies here: In the middle it is exhausting, but afterwards you emerge stronger.
- Be realistic
Badly talking about your previous life with all its successes, achievements and high points will not get you any further. Instead, draw a realistic balance sheet. Be proud of and grateful for what you have already achieved and let go of unrealistic wishes.
In the end, the midlife crisis can even turn into an opportunity. It will help you with critical reflection and constructive analysis. And it gives you the opportunity to actively approach the future.
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