What makes you angry but shouldn't
Dealing with anger and anger
TIP 1:Identify and change anger thoughts
When you are angry, the first thing you should do is find your angry thoughts, such as:
- "She has no right to do / say such a thing."
- "He shouldn't be like that ..."
- "You do / I never do something like that, so neither should the other do it."
- "It's unjust, forbidden, indecent, and so he shouldn't ... do."
- "Stupid dog".
So you ask the other person not to behave as he does and demand that he behave differently. However, this is irrational. Why? Because the other can do what he wants. You have no control over him and his behavior.
Therefore, correct your angry thoughts: Take it easy. I don't like what he does / says. I wish he would act differently. However, I cannot ask for that. I harm myself with my anger.
The more often you correct your angry thoughts, the more you practice staying calm, the better you will succeed after a few weeks, maybe months. Anger is a persistent feeling. There is a quick fix. So be patient. You may also find it helpful if you keep reminding yourself of a thought from Buddha:
Holding on to anger is like picking up a glowing coal to throw at someone; you're the one getting burned.
One can also say: getting enraged and angry means suffering for the mistakes of others. Remind yourself that your anger and anger don't change the world. The driver in front of you does not drive faster, your children are not becoming more orderly, your colleague is no longer working, your partner will not come home more punctually in the future, the world will not become fairer and better just because you are annoyed.
TIP 2:Don't take other people's reactions personally
If a stranger shows you the finger or throws swear words at you, then his reaction does not mean you personally. How should he? He doesn't know you at all. You're just an extra in an angry movie that's going on in his head. He feels attacked by you personally and therefore reacts indignantly and upset.
There can be many reasons for the other person's behavior: e.g. because he
- feels attacked
- Afraid of losing face
- wants to be noticed by you,
- has personal problems
- a louse ran down his liver,
- got a ticket
- is dissatisfied with his / her work / partnership, etc.
His behavior has nothing to do with you, but with his expectations, his experiences, his views of what is good and bad, right and wrong, his annoyance, his displeasure.
TIP 3:You can decide how to express and deal with anger and anger.
- with strong outbursts of anger
Avoid addressing the people you are angry about directly and avoid venting your anger. Showing anger doesn't prove that you can't be anything.
On the contrary, anger is an expression of being badly hit and injured. In other words, if you don't let go of thunderstorm, it doesn't mean you are going to put up with anything. Take a piece of paper and write down your complaints. Use swear words when you feel like it. The paper is just for you to express your anger. Another possibility, if possible, is to get out of the situation for a moment and scold yourself.
- with slight anger
Talk to the person. In the first person, say: "I don't like ... I imagined ... I expected ...". Avoid blaming the person such as:
- "How could you ...
- That was the last thing you ...
- You always do ...
- It never works that you ... ".
If you blame, devalue, or badmouth the other, they will counterattack.
TIP 4:Do you do sports regulary
If you get annoyed a lot, do your body a favor by doing regular (!) Exercise. When angry, a lot of adrenaline is released, but this is not broken down and can cause physical damage, especially heart disease, in the long term. Regular exercise reliably reduces adrenaline!
TIP 5:Intent or ignorance?
Think about it: Did the other person deliberately offend you? Did he do what he said or did with bad faith, or did he cross a line from you out of ignorance or stupidity? Surely it has already happened to you that you said or did something and the other withdrew offended, indignant, hurt and angry. They didn't want to offend the other. It was not malicious on your part. They didn't know the sore points, their limits, and so it happened that the other person got your words down the wrong path.
The same can be the case when you get annoyed with someone else. So check out the possibility that the attack might just have happened out of ignorance. This may alleviate your anger and indignation a little.
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