What's your best beach experience so far

Dearest ones

It was a hot, sunny day and it took all my persuasion to get my loved ones to take me to the beach.

I wouldn’t mind if her skin was a little browner, more chocolaty. But her ideal of beauty is, as with almost all Thais, the lightest possible skin.

On the beach, in the shade of the parasols, she wrapped herself up in towels and bath sheets so that no rays of sunshine hit her skin.

Suddenly a young girl - I thought she was an American woman - lay down next to us in the blazing sun.

"Look, Callolo," said my dearest, "how white this girl is."

"She probably just got to Thailand," I replied.

"Sorry, I've been here four weeks," said the young girl who heard my words.

"But you don't always lie in the sun?"

"But."

"And why don't you get red or tan, why don't you get sunburn?" wanted to know my dearest loved one.

"I use a special preparation that was developed by NASA. It absorbs all UV rays from the skin."

"Did you hear that, Callolo? I would like to have the preparation too."

"Oh, there is no such thing, honey."

"Yes. She just said it. It's an invention from space exploration. And the way it is here, it's the best proof."

"She's been here for five minutes."

"No, Callolo, it's been four weeks, she said. If you buy me this preparation, I'll always come with you to the beach if you want."

"Better to rub yourself in coconut oil and stay in the shade."

"I'd rather be white, Callolo."

"What does the fun cost?"

The young girl turned to us and said: "These pills are not available in Thailand. They are not for sale."

"And where did you get it?" I asked.

"From an American friend," she replied, "who has contact with NASA. He'll come over later because I always buy the pills from him one at a time.

"Please, Callolo, buy me some too, then I can finally go out into the sun safely again."

"You heard they weren't for sale."

"Hello John!" The young woman next to us jumped up and greeted a tanned American boy who looked like a tanned American boy from Bay-Watch or something.

"This young woman wants the sun absorber," she said to him and pointed to my dearest one.

"Sorry," replied the young, tanned American, "you know, I'm not even allowed to sell them."

"Please," said Nai, using all her acting resources, "I have to have these pills, the price doesn't matter."

The American made no face. The young woman next to him encouraged him: "Sell it to her, John. You can see how much she longs for it."

"Okay, for once. A hundred pills cost ten thousand baht. I'll give you half the price."

"Callolo, he's giving us a special price."

"And these things really help?"

"These pills are not yet officially approved in America because a few final tests are still pending. But the astronauts are taking them all and so far there has only been positive feedback."

The languid gaze of my dearest loved ones and the prospect that we would go to the beach together every week in the future gave way to all my skepticism. I paid and got a sachet full of super pills.

At home I took another closer look at the bag with the pills: The small white tablets had a cross embossed on them on one side and the number 100 on the other. But there was neither an instruction leaflet nor a product explanation. I went to Ping Dai, a Chinese pharmacist friend of mine. One look was enough for him. Then he said, "These are ace of hearts pills, a hundred for 300 baht."

"And in the sun?" I asked.

"They're useless there, but they don't do any harm either."

"If only I had listened to you," said my dearest.

"Yes," I replied, "good advice is expensive."

"But bad advice is much more expensive," she replied.

And then I put my arms around her, and we could laugh again about the fact that we, like two brain-burned fools, had fallen for this pair of crooks who probably made a living by tricking the Thais out of their dream of white skin with cheap tricks.

Callolo and his sweetheart

In 130 cheerful short stories, author Carolus has written in two books with different experiences that arise from the coexistence between Thais and Farangs. The humorous stories deal with the married life between Nai and Callolo. A lot of tolerance is required in the lives of both of them. In the first book, the author proves that there can always be happy endings in many unexpected developments. In the second work the author has taken off his "rose-colored glasses" and tells in an honest and charming manner about problems and difficulties that arise in his relationship with Nai, which is no longer entirely fresh.

You can order the two paperbacks in the FARANG online shop.

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