I'm gay what should i do

How do i know if i'm gay?

You may not know what your sexual sensations should mean and how to describe yourself and your sexuality. You don't need to hurry with this and you don't have to decide immediately what you would call yourself. Sexual identities develop over time.

"I was never really attracted to women, but I knew I was gay when I hit puberty. I was drawn to the other guys and wanted to know what they are like." - Sascha, 17

Most guys worry a lot about sexuality during the puberty years (mostly between the ages of 11 and 15) as their bodies begin to change and their hormones cause some confusing sensations.

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"I'm gay!"

Sometimes the sexual sensations are so strong that they have nothing to do with a particular person or situation, but seem to arise for no reason. Over the years you will find out who you find attractive. Many gay boys find that their attraction to boys and men becomes clearer over time: I'm gay.

"One day I was flipping through a magazine and there was a cute guy and boom! That's when I knew it."
Bjorn, 16

It can happen that you fall in love with one of your classmates, or maybe you fall in love with a grown man. You can find these experiences pleasant, unsettling, or something in between.

"I can't remember exactly when I first realized I was gay, but I remember the thought of sex with men has always excited me."
Andreas, 19

At 16 or 17, many teenagers start worrying about what they would call themselves, while others prefer to wait a little longer.

If you think you could be gay, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does it feel good when I look at or think of other guys?
  • Have I ever had a crush or a crush on a boy or a man?
  • Do I feel different from other guys?
  • Are my sexual dreams and fantasies about boys or girls?

It doesn't matter if you can't answer these questions now. In time you will become safer there. You and really only you know what the right name is for you.

Queer youth groups and youth centers

Would you like to get to know other queer people outside of the internet? In many cities there are queer youth groups and youth centers.

At DBNA you will find numerous other youth groups and organizations that you can visit in the "Groups" section.

What does it mean to be gay?

Men who describe themselves as gay are sexually attracted to other men and also fall in love with men. Her sexual feelings towards men are normal and natural to them.

Gay is the term used to describe men who fall in love with other men and are sexually attracted to them. Your feelings may seem unusual at first, but on closer inspection they are very normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.

The feelings for the same sex first appear when the boys hit puberty. They then feel that they are "different" from their classmates. You don't fall in love with girls, but with boys. It is not easy to accept that, because gays are often joked about. And who would want them to be a joke target?

When women fall in love with women, they are lesbian.

One of 20

Scientists say roughly that one in 20 people in the world gay or lesbian is. This means that in an average class, about one student can fall in love with their own gender.

There are also gays and lesbians in the animal world. Scientists have already observed in more than 1500 animal species that males fall in love with males and females fall in love with females. In the Bremerhaven Zoo, for example, the gay penguins "Vielpunkt" and "Z" live together as a happy couple. So being gay and lesbian is a natural thing.

These 9 animals are gay

Saying homosexuality is unnatural. Penguins, dolphins, giraffes: all of them and many, many more show homosexual behavior.

Learning to like yourself

It is not easy to discover that you are gay. It's pretty obvious that part of our society still doesn't think much of gay people.

You know the hurtful jokes, prejudices and misconceptions that some people have about gays. Often people just don't know how to deal with things that they don't know and that they may be unfamiliar with.

"I had to get rid of a lot of heterosexual and religious upbringing because it made me feel pretty shitty as a gay man. I only started to like myself when I met other gay people and joined a gay youth group After that I became more and more satisfied with myself. "
Markus, 18

Because of this, some people even hate lesbians and gays, and some feel uncomfortable when around lesbian women and gay men.

So it's no wonder you could choose to hide yourself and your gayness from others. Sometimes it even seems easier to hide from yourself. The question that might cross your mind is whether you are normal. Maybe you are afraid that someone might find out about your being gay.

"Stay in the closet?"

You may avoid other guys who might be gay because you're afraid of what people might think. To put so much effort into keeping your own thoughts and feelings hidden is also called "staying in the closet".

And in this "closet" it can get damn tight and, above all, lonely, even if you stay hidden there to protect yourself from those around you. It takes a lot of strength to deny your feelings to yourself, and that can sometimes backfire.

"At some point I just accepted the facts. At a certain point I couldn't and didn't want to deny my being gay anymore. Why should I pretend I'm someone other than who I am?"
Andreas, 19

You may have tried numbing yourself with alcohol or other drugs to stop thinking too much about your confusing feelings. And maybe you've even thought about suicide before. If so, then it would be a good idea to speak to people at a hotline or an advice center.

Because there are other possibilities than to hide from your own feelings. As uncomfortable and painful as they may be, they are basically just as valuable as any other sensation - because they are an important part of you and your personality.

Questions or Problems? Other DBNA users will help you!

Take a look at the DBNA app. There you will find the "Questions" section. You can easily post your question here. Within a short time you will get answers from other DBNA users. You have the rubrics z. B. "Queer Life", "Coming-out", "Sex", "Body", "Health", "Love", ... are available. In the DBNA question area, our users help each other! Take a look right now!

Why do I have to come out at all?

Certainly a legitimate question. Has someone ever come up to you completely in a state of dismay and confessed in tears that they finally want to come out as a straight guy? No? Well, with this in mind, it is important to ask why we should be under pressure to openly proclaim our sexuality in the first place.

This line of thought is of course justified and, from a moral point of view, is also absolutely legitimate. We are not accountable to anyone! That also applies to heterosexuals, so why not to us too?

The answer is not that simple.

Viewed historically, it seems to be in the nature of human beings that different people and minorities are excluded, ignored and also gladly pushed out of the public consciousness. And as sad as it may be, we are a minority. Even more: a fringe group. And to top it off: a hidden fringe group.

Because, despite all the clich├ęs and prejudices, you don't see our inclination. This fact reinforces the urge of the homogeneous, heterosexual society to disregard us, to maintain prejudices subliminally and to ignore our interests and desires for generations only further, because in large parts of our beautiful republic homosexuals do not appear in everyday life.

What actually is a coming-out?

Everyone thinks they know what a "coming out" is. When you tell others that you are gay. But that's only half the story. Because coming out is much more than that.

Maybe a couple of times a year we hop in disguise, make up and in a good mood - as homos always are - at street parties through the picture of a television camera and think that the typical heterosexual would in some way honor that more than not not his prejudice would see confirmed only to then switch off bored.

How do you change this situation?

The answer is obvious. If you want more in life than the minimum that heterosexual society allows you, then you have to stand up for your rights and interests as an individual. You have to want to be more than the hidden homosexual who does not come out in order to remain an integrated member of society who does not have to create tension. You have to get up.

You have to show that homosexuals don't just exist at the CSD. You are a real gay person and you have needs - just like any other person. You have the right to have these needs attended to. This is sufficient reason to come out.

Which outweighs more? Advantages or disadvantages of an outing? YouTuber Tommy Toalingling gets to the bottom of these questions in this video "Why you HAVE to come out":

Your parents

Questions you are sure to ask yourself:

  • How am I supposed to tell my parents now?
  • Can I do it that easy?
  • And when is the right time?
  • How will you react?
  • How will my mother, father, brother or sister behave?
  • Do you not know me anymore? Questions that you've probably asked yourself already.

Now you know you care more about boys than you care about girls. You would also like to tell your parents and be able to bring your boyfriend home with you. But it keeps coming back: the question of whether you finally have a girlfriend, what her name is, how old she is and what hair color she has. You always say that you are single right now. You can no longer take the eternal lies of your parents.

But when should I tell them that I am different? Should I confess it to my mother or father first? It is certainly important that you wait for a suitable time. You have to find out for yourself when one will arrive. One said it during dinner in front of the whole family, another during an argument, another via Whatsapp from vacation ...

In this article we address the question: "When is the right time to come out?"

"Mom, Dad. I'm gay ..."

It's actually just a single sentence. It would be nice if it was that easy. But somehow it isn't. How do I tell my parents? What will your reaction be? These questions torment you and scare you.

Families are very different. Hence there is also no magic formulathe best way to tell your parents that you are gay. Feelings, circumstances, and situations differ from family to family.

"The feeling of finally being freed from the closet is simply indescribable and today I think I should have tackled it earlier."
Luis, 14

But the reactions will be the same for many parents. Knowing this can be very helpful for you to prepare yourself for these situations.

I have something to say to you

You found out you were gay a while ago. But your parents have no idea that you don't want anything from girls. They firmly assume a straight son who will one day make them grandparents.

Parents who think they know their son really well will be amazed when they find out that their son is gay. However, this does not necessarily mean that they cannot and will not come to terms with it.

It can take a while and take days, weeks, months. But most parents end up accepting their children for who they are. Many parents are even proud that their son dared to take this step to come out.

Check out the video "COMING OUT in front of the PARENTS." from David Milan to:

Many boys had a much better relationship with their parents after they came out than before.

After your coming out, your parents will know you better than before, and your openness to them means you can Strengthen trust in one another. After all, you're still the same person your parents gave birth, raised, and loved.

It is helpful to know that your parents are certainly through at least there are just as many emotional ups and downs as you do. Some of these emotions may also be negative. But most parents try their best to do what is best for their son and support their children as best they can.

YouTuber Elliott Tender explains "the 5 phases of parents after a coming-out!" In this video:

Parents had no preparation time

Few parents suspect that their son could be gay or bisexual. However, even those who may have guessed beforehand are shocked, sad or angry as soon as the cat is out of the bag.

Try to understand the reaction, keeping in mind: You may have had several years to figure out and realize that you are gay. If you come out to your parents, they didn't have this preparation time.

From now on you are confronted with a situation that you would never have expected. You are overwhelmed. It will take your parents time to process this message just like you needed it.

You have fears of your neighbors, your relatives, your work colleagues. Just before the talk of the others.

You should subscribe to these queer YouTubers and channels

Next article: This is about your coming out to your best friends, at school, university or at work. We also have tips on how to come out to your best (straight) buddy.