What is the meaning of understanding love

What is love?




What is love?

Love is a feeling, an ability, a decision and an "energy":

Love is first of all a feeling - That sounds very banal at first, but it is important if you want to get closer to the answer:

A feeling is something the in you happens.You feel your feelings. Feelings arise in your body and are yours in you experienced.

That means: Nobody can tell your feelings do. And nobody else can either Yours Feel feelings.

Only you feel your feelings. And you feel only your Feelings.

That also means:

You feel Not another person's love!

When another person loves you, feel he Love for yourself. When you love another person, you feel love for them. You feel Your feeling in you to what someone represents for you, shows you, says or does for you.

This is important because we often confuse it: We can "feel" how someone is doing - but that is only our interpretation: We only ever feel what we would feel. The other person may feel something completely different from what we do. Therefore, no feeling is exactly the same in two people - not even when it comes to love.

Love - definition:

Love is a strong feeling of connection with someone that goes beyond "purposefulness" and "attraction". It is connectedness that makes love more than just a feeling: connectedness is also a decision.

Why is it so important to emphasize this?

Because when it comes to love, we often confuse feeling:

Perhaps you find what the other is doing as loving. But maybe not!

You might as well find someone else's actions and words to be silly, cheesy, intrusive, or annoying - even if that person is acting “out of love”.

You could respond to what he is showing or telling you with a loving feeling within you react - or just not.

Your counterpart can understand your statements and actions as signs of love and also feel love themselves and then respond - or maybe not. It has to do with whether what someone else is doing fits what you expect and want. If a person you find desirable behaves in a way that you find “loving”, then you will probably develop loving feelings yourself. But You decide for yourself whether and what you feel.

Because you feel your feelings - not his / her. Of course, we can try to empathize with another person's feelings - but we will never know for surehow something happens at (resp. in) to someone else.

See also the great book “The 5 Languages ​​of Love” by Gary Chapman

So love is first of all a word that is supposed to describe a certain state that one feels.

So if we ask ourselves the question "What is love?" Then we can probably only answer that for ourselves: Love feels a little different for everyone. Therefore, the question of what love actually means cannot be answered 100% reliably.

However, you can get closer to the answer by reversing the question: “What is love not?” Because there are a lot of things that people do that somehow happen in connection with love - but unfortunately have nothing to do with love at all:

What is not love:

If you

  • trying to get someone else to act the way you want them to or how you see fit (even if that would be so good for this person from your point of view).
  • are constantly afraid that the other person will leave you and that you are constantly telling them bad feelings because you are jealous.
  • trying to get someone to be with you when they don't want to.
  • You strive to become someone who is "good enough" or suitable for someone - even though you actually are not or do not want to be that way.
  • are constantly afraid that you could "lose" your partner again.
  • tell someone else what to do or not to do if they love you or you love them.
  • have the feeling that your partner has to change - and neither is it love if your partner keeps telling you that you have to change.


The subject of "fear of loss" in connection with love is a real love killer:

Fear of losing the partner


Another misunderstanding is confusing love and relationship:

Love and relationship are not the same

Often when I ask people "What is love for you?" The answer is about relationship.

No wonder: we often confuse the terms love, partnership and relationship because they are often used incorrectly:

  • Love is a Feeling (and a little more). Your feeling. In you.
  • Relationship is one situation between you and someone else. You have relationships with everyone around you.
  • A partnership is one relationshipwhich is characterized by the feeling of love and "team spirit".

To be in a partnership, you have to be yours partner treat as such:

As a partner - on an equal footing - at eye level. You "play in the same team" and want the best for one another and with one another.

My husband and I like to refer to ourselves as "accomplices". My husband is my accomplice - he supports me in my projects, is by my side to share and enjoy the good things in life, inspires me and makes plans with me. He's on the same team as me. He wants my best and I want to be his.

And sometimes “the best” for the other is also something in which you are not involved: if you love your partner, you give him everything. And in the end you gain more freedom, more joy and more strength. This is exactly what defines a real, loving partnership - as the saying goes: "The whole is more than the sum of its parts".

What is the difference to "relationship"?

When love and relationship unite with each other, then exactly what we all long for and what you have probably been looking for with the question "What is love?" connected with a partner in love and you are both stronger, freer and better than alone.

And that's the moment when love becomes more than just a feeling:

In order for an initial fall in love to really turn into love, commitment is required: “really wanting to get involved with one another”. Love requires kindness, patience and understanding - but also the ability to distance oneself and not give up on oneself.

Love is “teamwork”: It has to be more important to grow with the partner and to act as a team than to be “right”.

Therefore, love is more than just a feeling - love is also an ability and a choice.

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When your partner no longer wants to play "on your team"

Of course, that's sad and disappointing. It feels awful. There are even people who break up even though they love each other. You say: you love each other - but that's not enough. And sometimes that's even true: We are magically drawn to someone - but the lifestyle, needs and goals just don't go together. There is something between us and we give each other everything - but a relationship just doesn't work.

Loving someone does not have to automatically mean having a relationship with that person! Because "I love you“Does not mean:“ You have to stay with me and do what I need - even if you don't want to ”. That would be pretty wrong - and has nothing to do with partnership or love, does it?

Never say “I love you” when you really mean something completely different.

You have probably now nodded your head in agreement - and yet something like this happens again and again: When we ask ourselves “What does love mean?”, Then in truth one sometimes asks: “What do I have to do so that the other person behaves towards me as I need it (even if he may not want to)? "

For example:

  • How can I make the other person want to be with me?
  • How can I make the other leave their partner?
  • What can I do so that the other person will award me more security, more security, more exclusivity?

But that is exactly what has nothing to do with love. Love also means recognizing that the other is a great person for himself - but that a relationship includes two who want the same ...



What does love mean

I used to think love means that I want the other to be okay. But what if my partner is in a phase where he is not doing so well? What if this phase is even important to him? If I then believe it is love, if I want the other person to be okay, it can also go very wrong ... It can lead to me manipulating my partner and completely forgetting the feeling of love.

So for me love now has the aspect that I "accept" my counterpart - even if I don't like it so much or find it difficult in certain situations because the other person is not exactly how I would like it to be or how I would find it “right”.

  • Love is when I give the other person the best - even if it has nothing to do with me.
  • It is love when I am my counterpart accept and respect: his style, his taste, his character, his path, his past, his wishes and needs. That doesn't mean that I have to fulfill, change, justify, or endure them if I don't want to.
  • Love is commitment: that I stand by this person, say yes to him and give him courage. That doesn't mean that I deny myself for it, make myself small, or lie for him.
  • Love means that I regard my partner as an equal, free person who is in a relationship with me, which - if all goes well - is a partnership that will last as long as it is of trust, growth, affection, Acceptance, attraction etc. is shaped.


And what is self-love?

Self-love means that whatever I would do for this partner, I do for myself too. If I were to do it for someone else - and if I expect someone else, an independent, free person, to do it for me when he says "I love you" - then it is not asking that much in itself when I do the same for myself:

  • That I accept myself, even if it is difficult for me in certain situations, because I am not currently the way I would like it to be or how I think it is right.
  • That I treat myself to the best.
  • That I respect myself - my style, my taste, my character, my path, my past. That I respect and accept my wishes and needs - even if I cannot always meet them.
  • That I stand by myself, say yes to me and give me courage.
  • That I see myself as an equal, free person and trust myself, strive for growth, show myself affection and acceptance.

Why shouldn't I do this? It wouldn't be that difficult after all ... I'm always there. That's why love is not a coincidence! Love arises, among other things, from the fact that I allow closeness and that I can consider myself “good enough”.

Because love does not ask for “qualification” - it is a feeling. If you want to know more about it, have a look here for the next appointment >>>>

What do you think? What is love to you