Do men need love or sex

The myths about men

A consideration of the myths of men - not always to be taken seriously and yet a small impetus to question yourself as a representative of the "strong" sex.

We are enlightened people and always feel good about sex

Would be nice! But what man is never plagued by unpleasant feelings. Which man is completely free of complexes, never doubts his sexual "ability" and his potency or subjects his penis to a critical examination.

Real men don't like "women stuff" like feelings and constant conversation

For some men, sex is the only way to show affection and feelings. Talking about sex is dismissed by them as feminine sentimentalism. But "man" should very well be able to talk about his sexuality. The "horror vision" conversation can turn out to be the key to true sexual fulfillment.

Any touch is sexual or should lead to sex

According to the sex therapist Zilbergeld quoted at the beginning, men and women have different relationships with touch. Compared to men, women are more concerned with the touch itself, with cuddling and warmth, while men are more likely to use touch to finally get down to business. The sex therapist postulates that men may have the need for touch as a form of conveyed security, but tend to suppress it.

Men want and can in every situation

This myth affects men the most by far. Supported by the media, the film and porn industry, an image emerges of a man who is always able and at the highest level of potency. How shamefully failing must a young man feel in the face of his potent media peers who may have an erectile dysfunction at the "first time" with excitement.

In order to keep up the appearance of "always wanting", some men have sexual contacts, even though they really want something completely different. However, in the long run, this behavior can lead to sexual disorders.

When having sex, a real man shows what he can do

As long as feelings - such as love, affection and joy - are in the foreground, a man can also fully indulge in the pleasure of sexual experience. But if you add the thought of having to prove something, that makes the situation more difficult.

The length and hardness of the penis as well as the duration and number of orgasms are rated according to an imaginary performance scale and "man" wants to look as good as possible. As with top-class sport, it's about qualification and disqualification, with the run after the woman's orgasm being the "golden goal".

Sex is about the stiff penis and what is done to it

It gets particularly tricky when it comes to penis size. Many young men have very specific ideas about how big their penis should be. If reality does not quite correspond to wishful thinking, numerous men react to it by developing complexes.

As before, ideas like "The sexual act depends on the penis and the erection!" or "It has to be as hard as steel!" through the brains of some high-performance sex acrobats.

With such specifications you spoil the fun and set the bar very high. "He" should always work, ideally unaffected by feelings, mood and mood or problems. "He" should hold out the whole night, which - how could it be otherwise - is crowned by a simultaneous orgasm. Goodbye myth: It is far more common that young men in particular "come" too early or cannot maintain their erection during lovemaking.

Sex = sexual intercourse

Sex = sexual intercourse - and only that actually makes sense. Other forms of physical love seem less satisfying or are intended only as a prelude to the actual act.

However, it should not be forgotten that there are situations in which tenderness and petting are the only possible forms of sexual togetherness and are also experienced as quite satisfying.

Concentrating on the "essentials" can lead to erectile dysfunction in old age not having sex at all, because for many men only sexual intercourse counts. A rethinking is certainly necessary here, not only from the men but also from the women who frequently support these male myths.

A man has to let his partner experience an earthquake

A man is only "good" in bed when "she" has an orgasm. This should be earthquake-like and unique. A firm erection, endurance and ingenuity - everything should be brought under one roof. Not everyone can cope with this pressure and it is therefore not surprising that so many men can no longer "achieve" anything.

Men also sometimes forget that a woman's orgasm is not a mere product of mechanical stimulation, but that a large part of it takes place in the head. If she is not in the right mood, the path to climax will be difficult. This is less to blame for the penis, which is perhaps a few centimeters short of the fictitious ideal size, than for the existence of conflicts or problems in the partnership.

An orgasm is part of good sex

Here, too, the idea of ​​performance dominates - without orgasm it simply wasn't good sex. Everything around it is geared towards one goal, "the ultimate orgasm". The enjoyment of the increasing excitement is completely disregarded.

What is interesting is the fact that a relatively high percentage of women are satisfied with their sex life even though they do not orgasm. The situation would be much more relaxed and free and would leave a lot more freedom for fantasies if orgasm weren't always the only quality criterion for good sex.

When it comes to sex, men shouldn't listen to women

The idea that women's opinion also plays a certain role in sex is increasingly gaining the upper hand. Nevertheless, there are actually still men who think that when women say NO, they actually mean YES.

The adornment of women is only there to increase the desire of men. This misconception is sometimes still conveyed in books, films or porn. The days of the docile female are a thing of the past, and that should have slowly reached the last of the machos.

If "man" listens to "woman", how he can stimulate her effectively, then nothing stands in the way of erotic fireworks. Because despite all male wishful thinking, the thrusts of the penis alone are not always enough to really arouse a woman.

Good sex is spontaneous, there is nothing to plan or talk about

The so-called spontaneity rather serves to make the sex wordless. In addition, according to sex therapist Zilbergeld, many people still have a fantasy of natural harmony and harmony between the two bodies.
In order to actually correspond to this ideal, however, a lot of partnership work and getting to know each other or knowing your own needs are required.

Planned sex doesn't have to be worse than spontaneous sex. You can coordinate your desires better if you are clear about what arouses your partner and yourself.

Real men don't have sexual problems

Obviously, nobody wants to have problems, especially those of a sexual nature. Millions of men, however, have sexual difficulties and do not correspond to the fantasy of the omnipotent man.

But this picture can also be maintained precisely because insecurities and fears are not communicated enough. The man should finally throw the old-fashioned myths overboard, discover his own sexuality and that of his partner, without wanting to correspond to any fantasies.

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"It's half a meter long, hard as steel, always ready and knocks you off your socks!"
(Bernie Zilbergeld: The new sexuality of men, dgvt-Verlag 1994)

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