What's bad about love

Why do I love someone who treats me badly?

Why do we keep loving? One person hurts us or it's just that complicated. Why or how can love be so strong that you accept something like that yourself. That you accept to be hurt and sad yourself. I just do not understand." That got meSusanne (name changed) asked.And I don't understand either, Susanne. But I know how to help myself. Here is what I can think of and do.

Dear Susanne,

thank you for your moving question. One thought in advance: What does a person have to do to keep my love forever? Does it have to be what I imagine it to be? Does he have to make me happy? Or at least not unhappy? Does he have to love me Does he have to adore me? Or does he have to do the opposite so that I can conquer him, win him over to me?

I know all of this. And they are illusions.

I mean that no one can take or give my love. She belongs to me. To you! If you love someone, even if it's complicated, you are honored. It says something about you. That you are great We know that from children. No matter how much we hurt them, they love us. Hey, you may just not have lost your child's heart. If you love someone who has hurt you, then you have my deepest respect, my admiration.

Of course it's complicated! I mean, we often don't know what we really want on our own. Then how should we know about a partner? Only when it is becomes simple in us, only when we understand each other and become really simple people who know what they want - only then can a relationship become easy.

I know what I'm talking about because I'm probably the most complicated person in this universe and I haven't had a single simple relationship yet.

And how many times have I run away? Every time. In one way or another. But I am not judging myself for it. I did what I could. At some point it hurt too much. And because I can't run away from myself, I ran away from my partners. Because what really hurts me is what I believe about her. It's what I believe about myself too. Over the whole world.

  • "You make my life hell"
  • "You only criticize me."
  • "You don't let me be who I am"
  • "You betrayed me"

I believe all of this and it's hell - until I see how many times I've cheated on myself. How often I criticize myself and that is why I am so vulnerable to criticism from others.

How many times in my life have I liked myself unconditionally? 3 times? Four times? And how much I cheated on her! With myself. By being occupied with myself and not really seeing her.

So why do I accept being hurt? Because I am myself. And because I'm used to it from myself. Because I think mean, unkind, and hurtful things about myself so often that I can handle them. But I'm not happy about it.

  • I drop something twice in a row and I think, "Idiot!"
  • I slip in front of others and feel ashamed. Because I think I am not cutting a good figure in front of them.
  • I think she doesn't like me. And meanwhile I totally forget myself because I am so desperately looking for recognition and love. I say things that I don't really mean. Pretend me

THE not only hurt. That makes me sick.

What i can do for myself

I see how the other hurt me and write it down. I become honest with myself and wonder if I think the other is right.

I feel inside myself while I am hurt and see if the bad thing is my feeling or what the other is saying or doing: What is particularly terrible for me? What does it mean that she or he does what he does? What do I think it says about me? What I think it says about me is just the right hammer. It knocks me out. The other may look angry or say something hurtful. But everything collapses in me becauseā€¦. everyone has to find out for themselves.

And in other cases: isn't it particularly bad that I accept the injuries instead of just walking? What am I thinking, why do I forbid myself to go? How many times have I gotten into bad situations because I didn't want to be rude? Because I didn't want to hurt the other? Because I was so busy with him or her that I forgot that I could just leave?

For me love is more than love for a certain person. Read more: Everything important is made of love - and nothing is unimportant

Image: Foundry

/ 2 Comments / by Gidon Wagner